There being nothing like a good new problem to take one’s mInd off one’s old problems, I set the Makergear M2 to printing TPU and made a washer for the Champion Hose Nozzle:

It turns out PrusaSlicer can produce models for simple shapes using the Shape Gallery. Subtracting a 7.5 mm cylinder (as a “negative shape”) from a 12.7 mm = ½ inch cylinder does the trick, with the washer all of 2.5 mm thick.
The ID of the thread inside the nozzle is slightly smaller than 12.7 mm, but TPU is bendy enough to let me push it through sideways and reorient it against the front of the nozzle.
The conical part of the nozzle seals against the washer, leaving only a very slight ooze of water, and opens far enough to produce a jet. The TPU is solid enough to not vibrate in the flow and the nozzle no longer howls at low flow rates.
None of the other nozzles in the box have a washer up in there, so they all depend on a much better machined fit than I achieved.
At least the Champion nozzle is once again usable, should it ever emerge from the bottom of the box.

























