A spate of cleaning put the little tab that fixed the never-sufficiently-to-be-damned strut supporting the lower refrigerator drawers into my hands:

I discovered that 4-40 knurled inserts perfectly match the available space, so I drilled the 3D printed holes out to 11/16 inch (the OD of the smaller knurls) and rammed the inserts into place:

No epoxy, no heat, nothing but a friction fit.
Looks much better, ought to work just as well, and will definitely outlive the refrigerator; if I never take that thing apart again, it’ll be fine with me.